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Category: Baby Jokes
AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has given birth to have sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Dad to get up at 2 a.m. too.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mum can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to stop you falling into financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate strained carrots.
GRANDPARENTS: People who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a rude word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.
PUDDLE: A small boy of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's dummy by boiling it and to your last baby's dummy by blowing on it.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as not to upset the children.
THUNDERSTORM: A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When a baby's face turns red and he or she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have exhausted you.
WHOOPS: Get a sponge!